Good Air

 A student walked into my room recently, took a deep breath and declared, "There's good air in here." I looked at him and asked what he meant. He said very seriously, "I'm very air-sensitive, Ms. Olson." I laughed a little and said, "For real?" He clarified that he has asthma, but reassured me "you always have the good air in here." He said he breathes better in my room. I had no idea "air sensitivity" was a thing outside of major pollution issues. 

I turned 35 this month and I have to be honest: this isn't what I thought my life would look like. If I'm brutally honest, the air is sometimes a little dry. My days are full, but my apartment is empty. My calendar is full but the future is a question mark. Sometimes I wonder if anything I'm doing is purposeful or if I'm just marking time until God calls me home to Heaven. Don't get me wrong. Life is good... but it's different than I imagined and some of that is hard to sit with. 

What I'm learning, though, is that every season has richness. Every day has purpose. Every interaction is building a lifetime of relationships and spiritual influence. This isn't a new idea, but I'm seeing new iterations and it's generating new gratitude. The gratitude is the fresh air my soul needs this time of year. It truly is the best antidote to bitterness. And God knows, I've entertained some bitterness now and again. Maybe you have, too.

If you have a teacher in your life, you likely know some of the typical ups-and-downs of a school year. September is full of all kinds of inspiration and energy. December always brings a faster pace, but fun events and a long break. But February... that's a different story. One colleague referred to February as "the armpit of every school year," and in my humble opinion, the label fits. And then once Spring arrives, attitudes improve and we prepare to celebrate the end of another year. As with any job, there a good days and rough days. It's really easy to get stuck in the mentality of the rough days -- to allow a perpetual February freeze to fog up your heart. Been there, done that -- no good.

This year, something is different. It's just sweeter. It isn't perfect and I'm definitely still tired at the end of the day, but to quote my student, there's just "good air in here." For the first time since becoming a teacher again, life doesn't feel like it's altogether too much. Remember four years ago when the world shut down? That was too much. For me personally, 2021 had a lot of levels of "too much" in it. In 2022, I took on an overloaded teaching schedule to accommodate growth in our school (YAY!). I made it through the year, but only after calling a meeting with my boss to tell him, "This overload is too much. I can't do this again." Compassionately, he heard my plea and worked to avoid that scenario in the future. This year, my teaching load is back to normal, but I'm also taking full-time seminary classes to finish out my degree in May. There have been a few points this year when the ebb and flow of being both a student and a teacher was just too much work for one week on the calendar. But I did it. I've nearly made it to the finish line. Just five more weeks and I'm free of homework! 

It's been only in the last couple weeks that I've started to really savor the sweetness of this season. My students this year are two great bunches of kids. We've laughed so hard and made some great memories. We're learning and growing because we're asking good questions and owning both our responsibilities and our mistakes. I'm not so easily rattled by the woes and ever-changing attitudes of 13-year-olds. There is a decent balance of routine, trust, humor, and wisdom that fuels our daily rhythm and it's good. 

Actually, I've been in this job long enough to start seeing fruit in other students as well. Honestly, I wasn't sure I'd make it this long in teaching. The world of education is a WILD place to be these days. I DO NOT recommend re-entering education during a global pandemic. But students from my first couple of years have gradually started to float back into my room, "just to say hi," or to tell me something exciting, or to ask me a really big theological question they're wrestling with. After hearing I may be teaching a high school class, a few have exclaimed, "YES! I didn't think I'd get to have you again!" Just this week, a student I had year one randomly asked if I had anything she could help me with because she was bored in study hall. I gladly accepted the offer and for the entire 90-minute block period, she and I sat and talked while we both chipped away at a project. Four years ago I would've never guessed this moment would happen. It wasn't life-changing, but it was life-giving quality time shared over laminated cards and file folders. It is the joy of my whole being to have meaningful conversations with these kids. Maybe, just maybe, my flawed humanity didn't get entirely in the way of their pursuit of faith... They're growing up. God is up to something really beautiful in them. And while they sometimes drive me crazy in the moment, I don't want to take a moment of this season for granted. They really do grow up fast.

The air in here is better when we're grateful for what is, instead of being bitter about what isn't or isn't anymore. There's a lot of hurt and brokenness in the world, but there are still pockets of good air around here. I hope you find yours this week.