Last night in Bible study, we read through the first chapter of the book of Acts. This entire book is filled with incredible and nearly impossible-to-believe stories of the early Church right after Jesus was raised from the dead. Chapter one starts with Jesus' final words and then describes a change in personnel within the twelve disciples. It reads in part:
15 In those days Peter stood up among the believers (a group numbering about a hundred and twenty) 16 and said, “Brothers and sisters, the Scripture had to be fulfilled in which the Holy Spirit spoke long ago through David concerning Judas, who served as guide for those who arrested Jesus. 17 He was one of our number and shared in our ministry.” 18 (With the payment he received for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out. 19 Everyone in Jerusalem heard about this, so they called that field in their language Akeldama, that is, Field of Blood.) 20 “For,” said Peter, “it is written in the Book of Psalms: “‘May his place be deserted; and, “‘May another take his place of leadership.'
21 Therefore it is necessary to choose one of the men who have been with us the whole time the Lord Jesus was living among us, 22 beginning from John’s baptism to the time when Jesus was taken up from us. For one of these must become a witness with us of his resurrection.”
23 So they nominated two men: Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias. 24 Then they prayed, “Lord, you know everyone’s heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen 25 to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs.” 26 Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles.
Everyone in my group was focused on Jesus's mysterious disappearance and Judas' suicide, but my eyes drifted somewhere else: Matthias.
As we read in the later verses of the chapter, one of the qualifications for stepping into leadership to replace the traitor Judas was to have been around Jesus during his years of ministry. There were only a couple guys who fit that bill out of the crowd of followers. But I would be willing to bet this wasn't what was on any of their minds when they first decided to follow Jesus. They just knew that this guy was the real deal Messiah and He alone was worth the enormous risk that following would've incurred in that day and age.
If there's one thing that a life of faith continues to teach me, it's that we can and should expect the unexpected when we surrender everything to following Jesus and making Him known. Ten years ago, just weeks after asking (well, actually kind of daring) God to "show up" in my life, my family walked through a cancer diagnosis with my mom. At the same time, God shook up my plans for a career in music which lead to a transfer to a different college literally days before class started. Everything was upside-down and inside-out and to be honest, I was mad at myself for praying so boldly and mad at God for following through. Yes, I know that sounds like a "Duh! What did you expect?" moment... It was -- I actually got mad at God for being faithful enough to answer my prayer so quickly. But in hindsight I don't regret that prayer, even if I handled it less-than-super-graciously. I'm not saying I have mastered living a totally flexible or open-handed life, but the last ten years have earned me a few notches in my metaphorical belt of truth.
Following Jesus and engaging with His teaching has an innate way of shaking us up and rattling those feelings of comfort, stability, and routine. The year of 2009 was just a test-drive for what's ended up to be the most eventful decade of my life so far. I think the same could be said of Matthias' life up until that point. We hear almost nothing about him until this moment where he is chosen to step into a role of leadership that had a responsibility and a passion to change the world. Umm... whoa. Big shoes to fill. And the experiences the early Church had in Acts make my ten years of turmoil look like a comic book!
But let's also note how Matthias got the job. He didn't put his own name out there to be chosen. He didn't go around bragging with entitlement that he had been with Jesus so he obviously deserved it. He didn't pay anyone to speak a good word on his behalf. He was simply there. He was following Jesus during His ministry, he was in proximity when the crucifixion happened, and as we just read, he saw Jesus in resurrected form. He just kept faithfully following Jesus. The other disciples had common sense enough to not complicate the process of finding Judas' replacement, but to put it before God and cast lots to determine who God wanted to raise up into that leadership position. It was never Matthias' agenda, but because of the sovereignty of God, the job was undeniably his. And it always was because God knew before the beginning of time that Judas would be a traitor... He knew it all: sin's mess, Jesus' payment, Judas' betrayal, and now Matthais' election as they entered into what came next in the journey of pursuing God.
I read Jennie Allen's book Anything this weekend and it has reignited a fire in me to use my time and my gifts well in this little life of mine. In the words of a Switchfoot song, "Life is short, I want to live it well; one life, one story to tell." So often, we think we have to be the ones to orchestrate our own destinies by finding just the right job and just the right spouse for just the right season to do just the right thing so we raise just the right kids who get just the right jobs to change the world in a way we never could and die as happy grandparents who get to eat ice cream with Jesus forever. But even as I type that out, wisdom and knowledge of the sovereignty of God settles on my shoulders saying, "Hold on, big shooter. You have a responsibility to live well, but you're not on the hook for ALL of that. Let God be God, yeah? One day at a time."
Here's the bottom line: since 2009, I'm only marginally closer to being able to adequately answer the question, "What do you want to do with your life?" But it comes down to this: I have decided to follow Jesus -- no turning back -- not because I have it all figured out, but precisely because I don't and He does. And His faithfulness over the last 10 years has shown me there's just no other way to go. One of my favorite quotes from Jennie's book is right at the start: "God doesn't do great things through great people; He does extraordinary things through surrendered people."
So here I am, like Matthias, following Jesus fully surrendered to all the crazy that will inevitably come. The key difference this time is that, by the grace of God, I have a larger foundation to stand on -- my faith is more sure and my hope for positive outcomes is immeasurably more secure than that summer of 2009. But, unlike Matthias, I'm not convinced my life's purpose is going to come down to one spotlight moment. My life seems to be more about small, deliberate acts of faithful obedience than huge sweeping gestures -- and I'm okay with that. I'm ready to live well with a holy expectation of my next Matthias moment.
15 In those days Peter stood up among the believers (a group numbering about a hundred and twenty) 16 and said, “Brothers and sisters, the Scripture had to be fulfilled in which the Holy Spirit spoke long ago through David concerning Judas, who served as guide for those who arrested Jesus. 17 He was one of our number and shared in our ministry.” 18 (With the payment he received for his wickedness, Judas bought a field; there he fell headlong, his body burst open and all his intestines spilled out. 19 Everyone in Jerusalem heard about this, so they called that field in their language Akeldama, that is, Field of Blood.) 20 “For,” said Peter, “it is written in the Book of Psalms: “‘May his place be deserted; and, “‘May another take his place of leadership.'
21 Therefore it is necessary to choose one of the men who have been with us the whole time the Lord Jesus was living among us, 22 beginning from John’s baptism to the time when Jesus was taken up from us. For one of these must become a witness with us of his resurrection.”
23 So they nominated two men: Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias. 24 Then they prayed, “Lord, you know everyone’s heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen 25 to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs.” 26 Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles.
Everyone in my group was focused on Jesus's mysterious disappearance and Judas' suicide, but my eyes drifted somewhere else: Matthias.
As we read in the later verses of the chapter, one of the qualifications for stepping into leadership to replace the traitor Judas was to have been around Jesus during his years of ministry. There were only a couple guys who fit that bill out of the crowd of followers. But I would be willing to bet this wasn't what was on any of their minds when they first decided to follow Jesus. They just knew that this guy was the real deal Messiah and He alone was worth the enormous risk that following would've incurred in that day and age.
If there's one thing that a life of faith continues to teach me, it's that we can and should expect the unexpected when we surrender everything to following Jesus and making Him known. Ten years ago, just weeks after asking (well, actually kind of daring) God to "show up" in my life, my family walked through a cancer diagnosis with my mom. At the same time, God shook up my plans for a career in music which lead to a transfer to a different college literally days before class started. Everything was upside-down and inside-out and to be honest, I was mad at myself for praying so boldly and mad at God for following through. Yes, I know that sounds like a "Duh! What did you expect?" moment... It was -- I actually got mad at God for being faithful enough to answer my prayer so quickly. But in hindsight I don't regret that prayer, even if I handled it less-than-super-graciously. I'm not saying I have mastered living a totally flexible or open-handed life, but the last ten years have earned me a few notches in my metaphorical belt of truth.
Following Jesus and engaging with His teaching has an innate way of shaking us up and rattling those feelings of comfort, stability, and routine. The year of 2009 was just a test-drive for what's ended up to be the most eventful decade of my life so far. I think the same could be said of Matthias' life up until that point. We hear almost nothing about him until this moment where he is chosen to step into a role of leadership that had a responsibility and a passion to change the world. Umm... whoa. Big shoes to fill. And the experiences the early Church had in Acts make my ten years of turmoil look like a comic book!
But let's also note how Matthias got the job. He didn't put his own name out there to be chosen. He didn't go around bragging with entitlement that he had been with Jesus so he obviously deserved it. He didn't pay anyone to speak a good word on his behalf. He was simply there. He was following Jesus during His ministry, he was in proximity when the crucifixion happened, and as we just read, he saw Jesus in resurrected form. He just kept faithfully following Jesus. The other disciples had common sense enough to not complicate the process of finding Judas' replacement, but to put it before God and cast lots to determine who God wanted to raise up into that leadership position. It was never Matthias' agenda, but because of the sovereignty of God, the job was undeniably his. And it always was because God knew before the beginning of time that Judas would be a traitor... He knew it all: sin's mess, Jesus' payment, Judas' betrayal, and now Matthais' election as they entered into what came next in the journey of pursuing God.
I read Jennie Allen's book Anything this weekend and it has reignited a fire in me to use my time and my gifts well in this little life of mine. In the words of a Switchfoot song, "Life is short, I want to live it well; one life, one story to tell." So often, we think we have to be the ones to orchestrate our own destinies by finding just the right job and just the right spouse for just the right season to do just the right thing so we raise just the right kids who get just the right jobs to change the world in a way we never could and die as happy grandparents who get to eat ice cream with Jesus forever. But even as I type that out, wisdom and knowledge of the sovereignty of God settles on my shoulders saying, "Hold on, big shooter. You have a responsibility to live well, but you're not on the hook for ALL of that. Let God be God, yeah? One day at a time."
Here's the bottom line: since 2009, I'm only marginally closer to being able to adequately answer the question, "What do you want to do with your life?" But it comes down to this: I have decided to follow Jesus -- no turning back -- not because I have it all figured out, but precisely because I don't and He does. And His faithfulness over the last 10 years has shown me there's just no other way to go. One of my favorite quotes from Jennie's book is right at the start: "God doesn't do great things through great people; He does extraordinary things through surrendered people."
So here I am, like Matthias, following Jesus fully surrendered to all the crazy that will inevitably come. The key difference this time is that, by the grace of God, I have a larger foundation to stand on -- my faith is more sure and my hope for positive outcomes is immeasurably more secure than that summer of 2009. But, unlike Matthias, I'm not convinced my life's purpose is going to come down to one spotlight moment. My life seems to be more about small, deliberate acts of faithful obedience than huge sweeping gestures -- and I'm okay with that. I'm ready to live well with a holy expectation of my next Matthias moment.
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