Today marks six years since I stepped off a plane and traded the title of ex-patriot missionary for all things American. In the last six years, so much growth and change has happened. I am genuinely so much happier and healthier and sure of who I am and who God is in my life. But the journey hasn't been an easy one.
Over the course of the last six years, I've had more than a dozen jobs. Each of them had a purpose and while many of them were stressful in negative ways, I can say with confidence now, each of them was a necessary step. It's fair to say that for a few years, I was drifting in my career... but I struggled with whether I actually cared if that was true. #millennial
I've come to realize that the idea of a career of 30+ years in one place or one role is beyond rare, if not becoming somewhat extinct. The corporate norm is to climb ever-upward, which inherently creates instability over the long haul in favor of greater personal gain with the expected sacrifice in areas one might later count as loss. And while I can respect and admire those who thrive in a huge corporation, I know it's not for me. I wouldn't want to grow in the ways one is expected to as they "climb the corporate ladder." So, into the non-profit world I sauntered. And, if you've ever worked in non-profit, you know, it's anything but straight-forward and steady.
I guess that's been the irony of the last decade. The girl who wants steadiness has been challenged, encouraged and grown by jobs that seemed to come and go with little or no notice. The idea of a "calling" started to feel like a joke. Or at the very least, something we tell ourselves to mitigate the stress of a daily grind we're feeling sort of suffocated by. If I genuinely believe something is my calling, I can withstand the pressure of today because I know it has purpose. But when we question our calling, everything feels really heavy. And for a few years, that's how I felt about working -- it felt heavy, purposeless, convoluted, like I had surely missed something and now I was just left to deal with the consequences. And 30 years of uncertainty is my personal definition of torture.
To be honest, I probably won't have answers to the "Why's" that came out of 2016 in particular. (Cue the story about changing jobs 4 times in a year...) But with hindsight being 20/20, here's what I can tell you:
GOD WASTES NOTHING.
I'm not entirely sure what of my past and present is preparation for the future and what will just serve to be a good laugh someday, but I have seen with fresh eyes the way God uses every element of life to prepare us for something more.
Today, I signed a teaching contract. Exactly six years after returning home, I am moving back into the classroom. I never thought I'd see the day... but God has drawn a full circle in ways only He knows how... let me explain.
Six years ago, I assumed that a job like I had in Manila only existed in places like the missionary kid school I worked for. Since the US is a large sending center for missionaries, schools like Faith Academy are rare. Christian schools seem to be few and far between and without a teaching license, a person is pretty unlikely to get a job at a Christian school unless you have some connections. I have spent the better part of the last five years working in various jobs, knowing that each wasn't exactly "it," but not sure what "it" was or if "it" was even real. I thoroughly enjoyed my time as a church secretary. There was something incredibly healing to the rhythm of an office job. The same was true of preschool -- although that job was pretty loud. I loved the heart-level conversations of ministry, but just never seemed to find a right fit. So, about a year ago, I had resigned myself to being content as a church secretary. It was rhythmic, it was ministry, and there were 700 kids down the hall but I didn't have to worry about any of them. Sounded like a deal to me!
And then, the conversations started... Not bad conversations, not ill-intended, and all very positive in tone, but all wondering the same thing: "Jacque, are you where you're supposed to be? Because I think you have more to offer. It's too bad you can't use your gifts and skills more in your everyday work life. There's so much more in you that just doesn't have the avenue to be displayed right now." Over and over, the same batch of questions. So, I did the only thing that ever seems to stop that cycle: I prayed.
For 40 days last fall, I put literally every aspect of my life before the Lord, asking Him to confirm, redirect, or correct me about how I'm using the gifts I'm given. My free time, calendar commitments, my musical talents, my finances, my friendships and connections, my church home, etc. Nothing was off-limits. My boss had out-rightly said, "I'm not sure why you're here. But I know you're supposed to be." And while it's always a little unnerving to hear your boss say he doesn't understand my function at his organization, it fit with what God had said just a day or so before: Stay at this job.
It's fair to say that for the better part of a year, we've not had the answer as to why. Now we do.
Right about the time COVID showed up, I had transitioned to working full-time in human resources at my current job. (Side note: Don't start a new job in the middle of global pandemic. It's not fun.) The move to HR was out of necessity but at the time of the decision, COVID wasn't the reason that necessitated the move. It only took about two weeks for all of us to go, "OH! Perhaps this was the need... not the reasons we had in mind!" I agree. God knew. So as the world went into lock down, I was battling my own curve: a learning curve of all things HR. And, if it's not immediately obvious, Human Resources and church secretary are about as polar opposite as one can get while still being in the same building. It felt like in a matter of minutes I went from riding the tip of an iceberg that slowly moves in ministry to suddenly navigating white water rapids with a boat and no paddle -- JUST HANG ON! I had a few moments of being so frustrated with all the new, the change, the urgency, and the panic of both a new job AND world events, I had to seek God's peace to keep moving forward. There was a day early on He said, "This is temporary." It surely didn't feel like it. But my options were pretty limited at that point: disbelieve God and quit a job when 25% of the nation is unemployed, or, put your head down and work hard, trusting that God knows what He's doing even if it feels like you're drowning.
Not more than two weeks later, an email floated into my HR inbox. It was a resignation letter... from a bible teacher. The teacher who just so happened to teach subjects that I also just so happened to have experience in teaching. My spirit knew: this is why. I HAVE to go after this opening. I mentioned it to my boss, and she said somewhat sheepishly, "I had the same thought... but I hesitated to say anything because I didn't want to lose you! But you would be a great candidate for that role." Confirmed: it's go time.
Fast forward four months, a couple interviews, and half a global pandemic later, and today I sat down with my future boss to sign a contract. A contract I couldn't see six months ago, for an opening that wasn't real a year ago, at a school I didn't know about 6 years ago for a job I was pretty sure only existed in Asia and Europe. But the pieces fit together in ways only God could ordain. Today, I have tasted fresh faithfulness. It is SO good.
He wastes nothing. My 23-yr-old self looked at my time in Manila as my great millennial adventure. Sure, it had some built-in struggle and heartache, but I had come to think of it as just two years away from Minnesota to be my own person and serve God in ways I probably won't be able to later. God has absolutely used it to shape me into who I am.
I am looking at this teaching job like a second chance. God is a God of redemption and second chances. His grace is more than sufficient and while I don't regret my time in Manila, there are a hundred things I wish I'd done differently, especially in teaching the Word of God to middle schoolers. Well, He's calling my number. My second chance has arrived. I will not waste it because He was gracious enough to use my imperfect past to push me to a better future. I know it won't be all star-shine and roses from here, but I just have to say, it's really good to see the faithfulness of God play out in tangible ways.
Time to go -- I've got curriculum to read.
Praise be to God.
Over the course of the last six years, I've had more than a dozen jobs. Each of them had a purpose and while many of them were stressful in negative ways, I can say with confidence now, each of them was a necessary step. It's fair to say that for a few years, I was drifting in my career... but I struggled with whether I actually cared if that was true. #millennial
I've come to realize that the idea of a career of 30+ years in one place or one role is beyond rare, if not becoming somewhat extinct. The corporate norm is to climb ever-upward, which inherently creates instability over the long haul in favor of greater personal gain with the expected sacrifice in areas one might later count as loss. And while I can respect and admire those who thrive in a huge corporation, I know it's not for me. I wouldn't want to grow in the ways one is expected to as they "climb the corporate ladder." So, into the non-profit world I sauntered. And, if you've ever worked in non-profit, you know, it's anything but straight-forward and steady.
I guess that's been the irony of the last decade. The girl who wants steadiness has been challenged, encouraged and grown by jobs that seemed to come and go with little or no notice. The idea of a "calling" started to feel like a joke. Or at the very least, something we tell ourselves to mitigate the stress of a daily grind we're feeling sort of suffocated by. If I genuinely believe something is my calling, I can withstand the pressure of today because I know it has purpose. But when we question our calling, everything feels really heavy. And for a few years, that's how I felt about working -- it felt heavy, purposeless, convoluted, like I had surely missed something and now I was just left to deal with the consequences. And 30 years of uncertainty is my personal definition of torture.
To be honest, I probably won't have answers to the "Why's" that came out of 2016 in particular. (Cue the story about changing jobs 4 times in a year...) But with hindsight being 20/20, here's what I can tell you:
GOD WASTES NOTHING.
I'm not entirely sure what of my past and present is preparation for the future and what will just serve to be a good laugh someday, but I have seen with fresh eyes the way God uses every element of life to prepare us for something more.
Today, I signed a teaching contract. Exactly six years after returning home, I am moving back into the classroom. I never thought I'd see the day... but God has drawn a full circle in ways only He knows how... let me explain.
Six years ago, I assumed that a job like I had in Manila only existed in places like the missionary kid school I worked for. Since the US is a large sending center for missionaries, schools like Faith Academy are rare. Christian schools seem to be few and far between and without a teaching license, a person is pretty unlikely to get a job at a Christian school unless you have some connections. I have spent the better part of the last five years working in various jobs, knowing that each wasn't exactly "it," but not sure what "it" was or if "it" was even real. I thoroughly enjoyed my time as a church secretary. There was something incredibly healing to the rhythm of an office job. The same was true of preschool -- although that job was pretty loud. I loved the heart-level conversations of ministry, but just never seemed to find a right fit. So, about a year ago, I had resigned myself to being content as a church secretary. It was rhythmic, it was ministry, and there were 700 kids down the hall but I didn't have to worry about any of them. Sounded like a deal to me!
And then, the conversations started... Not bad conversations, not ill-intended, and all very positive in tone, but all wondering the same thing: "Jacque, are you where you're supposed to be? Because I think you have more to offer. It's too bad you can't use your gifts and skills more in your everyday work life. There's so much more in you that just doesn't have the avenue to be displayed right now." Over and over, the same batch of questions. So, I did the only thing that ever seems to stop that cycle: I prayed.
For 40 days last fall, I put literally every aspect of my life before the Lord, asking Him to confirm, redirect, or correct me about how I'm using the gifts I'm given. My free time, calendar commitments, my musical talents, my finances, my friendships and connections, my church home, etc. Nothing was off-limits. My boss had out-rightly said, "I'm not sure why you're here. But I know you're supposed to be." And while it's always a little unnerving to hear your boss say he doesn't understand my function at his organization, it fit with what God had said just a day or so before: Stay at this job.
It's fair to say that for the better part of a year, we've not had the answer as to why. Now we do.
Right about the time COVID showed up, I had transitioned to working full-time in human resources at my current job. (Side note: Don't start a new job in the middle of global pandemic. It's not fun.) The move to HR was out of necessity but at the time of the decision, COVID wasn't the reason that necessitated the move. It only took about two weeks for all of us to go, "OH! Perhaps this was the need... not the reasons we had in mind!" I agree. God knew. So as the world went into lock down, I was battling my own curve: a learning curve of all things HR. And, if it's not immediately obvious, Human Resources and church secretary are about as polar opposite as one can get while still being in the same building. It felt like in a matter of minutes I went from riding the tip of an iceberg that slowly moves in ministry to suddenly navigating white water rapids with a boat and no paddle -- JUST HANG ON! I had a few moments of being so frustrated with all the new, the change, the urgency, and the panic of both a new job AND world events, I had to seek God's peace to keep moving forward. There was a day early on He said, "This is temporary." It surely didn't feel like it. But my options were pretty limited at that point: disbelieve God and quit a job when 25% of the nation is unemployed, or, put your head down and work hard, trusting that God knows what He's doing even if it feels like you're drowning.
Not more than two weeks later, an email floated into my HR inbox. It was a resignation letter... from a bible teacher. The teacher who just so happened to teach subjects that I also just so happened to have experience in teaching. My spirit knew: this is why. I HAVE to go after this opening. I mentioned it to my boss, and she said somewhat sheepishly, "I had the same thought... but I hesitated to say anything because I didn't want to lose you! But you would be a great candidate for that role." Confirmed: it's go time.
Fast forward four months, a couple interviews, and half a global pandemic later, and today I sat down with my future boss to sign a contract. A contract I couldn't see six months ago, for an opening that wasn't real a year ago, at a school I didn't know about 6 years ago for a job I was pretty sure only existed in Asia and Europe. But the pieces fit together in ways only God could ordain. Today, I have tasted fresh faithfulness. It is SO good.
He wastes nothing. My 23-yr-old self looked at my time in Manila as my great millennial adventure. Sure, it had some built-in struggle and heartache, but I had come to think of it as just two years away from Minnesota to be my own person and serve God in ways I probably won't be able to later. God has absolutely used it to shape me into who I am.
I am looking at this teaching job like a second chance. God is a God of redemption and second chances. His grace is more than sufficient and while I don't regret my time in Manila, there are a hundred things I wish I'd done differently, especially in teaching the Word of God to middle schoolers. Well, He's calling my number. My second chance has arrived. I will not waste it because He was gracious enough to use my imperfect past to push me to a better future. I know it won't be all star-shine and roses from here, but I just have to say, it's really good to see the faithfulness of God play out in tangible ways.
Time to go -- I've got curriculum to read.
Praise be to God.
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