Faith vs Fear

Do you ever feel like sometimes a word or song is following you?  Everywhere you go, it pops up in conversations, on the radio, in emails, and in most cases there's no link between the sources.  Over the last year, the words faith and trust have been in front of me in countless places.  Usually when this happens, it's God's way of trying to get my attention.  Often, it leads to one particular moment where everything connects and I see why that word or song was important.

This year, trust -- or the practice of good faith -- is something God and I have been walking and talking about.  I've decided trust is a superpower... I don't know where it comes from but when it's present in a relationship, amazing things happen that were never possible before.  I am fortunate to have an unprecedented number of really good and trust-filled friendships in my life at the moment and every one of them is causing me to wonder why trust is so hard to just have.  Why aren't we more trusting?

Here's a hypothesis -- feel free to disagree...  I think the greatest threat to trust is not conflict or doubt, it's fear -- the type of fear that keeps people from ever starting a conversation because there's a 1% chance it won't land in their favor.  Fear is a universally experienced emotion and it's nearly always present in moments of loss, trauma, distress, or sadness.  We even get afraid when we aren't even sure what we're afraid of (fear of the unknown)!

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions we experience and it's usually tied to very real, very hurtful experiences or the very real probability of their occurrence.  It cannot (and should not) be ignored because it does bear some benefit.  God built our brains to learn and remember, so when we experience pain, something in us becomes afraid of a repeat and we'll do anything possible to avoid it.  From a survival standpoint, this is good because it means we have the capacity to learn.  As far as relationships are concerned, it's a toss-up and can easily be driven by our personality.  For the younger me, fear kept me quiet, nervous, and curious but not curious enough to take a risk... until God gave a few people who rebuilt trust.

The simple fact remains: there is risk in this life.  It's completely unavoidable.  Even some of the most sure things in life can be uprooted or changed, like our health, financial situations, family members, jobs, and friendships.  Not to be a Negative Nancy, but here on earth, there really is no such things as a sure thing -- except for Jesus.  More on that later.

But this is where we have a choice.  And up until probably 3 years ago, my choice was nearly ALWAYS to stay safe, comfortable, out of danger, and "sure" of what was to come (except for that one time when I hopped on a plane and moved overseas...).  My fear of the unknown or of an unfavorable outcome was so strong that it controlled nearly every aspect of my life.  And if I balanced life well, life was good, steady, calm... All of these are good things, except that they came by way of fear.

Enter: the daycare debacle of 2016...  If you don't know that story, there are 3 posts from February-July of 2016 on this blog.  Enjoy. ;)

When I quit daycare, something in me knew this risk was absolutely worth it.  I could see the on-coming chaos of unemployment and change, but somehow that was less overwhelming than continuing the path I was on.  Fear initiated the change, but faith and trust sustained it and carried me through.  I regret nothing.  I'm a better person for having experienced it, but I think the single greatest thing that came out of it was deciding that I would NOT be someone who lived her life in fear.

And this last year, there have been countless situations where I saw the choice plainly: fear or faith?  It looked like:
1) A dental appointment that went badly and resulted in infection and expensive bills.  I barely had the money to pay.  Choice: freak out about my finances, or pay what I could now and pray and seek opportunities for the rest.  Answer: God graciously supplied the finances to cover those bills.
2) A dead car 5 days before my birthday in the middle of winter, again, with no money to just go buy a new car.  Choice: fear that I'll lose my job because I can't get to work or trust that God has a plan.  Answer: Grace wins. (That's probably my favorite one of 2018!)
3) A boat going through the car from #2... yep... you read that right -- a boat.  Choice: fear and freaking out over the loss of another car, or faith that God's going to take care of this just like He did with so many other things.  Answer: faith -- and by God's grace and some insurance money, a new vehicle that handles winter like a beast.  YES!
4) New car (result of #3) needed major repairs just 2 months after buying it.  Choice: get unreasonably angry about how many car problems I've had this year and wonder if it ever gets better, or trust that God will make a way.  Answer: Trust.  Without fail, my church saved the day and paid for the entire repair.

But there are many things I've been praying over for far longer than this year.  I think all of us have things that our hearts yearn for that are just difficult to muster enough faith to believe that it's really going to happen.  Maybe for you it's a job change, a medical diagnosis, a relational break-through, or a financial opportunity.  I know what it's like to handle all of those -- there's been a lot in this little life of mine that has kept me waiting and praying for a better tomorrow.  And you know what?  God is faithful.

This is not to say that everything I've prayed for has been handed to me on a silver platter.  Quite the contrary, actually.  But I'm finding that the times I prayed and DIDN'T get what I wanted or thought God was leaning toward are the times God tested my faith and grew it the most.  Because, really, if you've decided not to live in fear and your brain is NOT occupied by worried and fear-filled thoughts, what ARE you thinking about?

One of the wisest things I've ever heard is this:
When you've done everything you can -- your due diligence, your extra steps, and you've faithfully put it before the Lord -- the only thing left to do is worship.  Worship God for who He is and what He's already done and wait expectantly for what He will do next.  Your only job is to worship.

Faith = worship: a state of my heart where God is center-stage.  When I choose to exercise faith, I begin to pray more confidently, not just about the current circumstance, but about everything.  I intentionally recall and thank God for great things He has done already and pray for continued faithfulness in my life.  And a funny thing happens when I choose to worship while I wait: everything else starts to look and feel smaller, less daunting, more chill.  It stands to reason, that the closer you are to something, the bigger it looks.  So, then, when we get closer to Jesus, everything else has to look smaller -- our worries, the tough circumstances, the unknown, our student loan debt (well, sort of?)...

Friends, I don't know what's staring you in the face today.  Maybe it's been the worst Monday in a long while, maybe it's been a great day.  Maybe there's something you're dying to know or to see God move in.  Or maybe fear has such a grip on your life, you're in survival mode.  I can't fix it, but I'll leave you with this:

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace."