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The Weight of the Wait

It's been said that we can tell a lot about a person by the way they wait.  The way we spend our time is an indicator of our priorities and our motivations.  Life requires waiting.  There's no way around it.  Modern technology has sped up many small things in life to speeds our great-grandparents could've only dreamed about, but there are still constants: one hour still holds 60 minutes, each of which hold 60 seconds, and the length of which has never changed. 

There's a weight to this constant.  Honestly, who hasn't been subject to sitting in a doctor's office or a waiting room before an appointment, just watching the minutes tick by?  When there's a particularly important bit of information on the other side of those double doors, time may seem to speed up or slow down, but it doesn't.  It just feels like it does. Often, internally, we have a lot to process as we wait.  Many of us would rather not process the internal and would prefer to just move along with life by resolving whatever it is we're waiting on.  But you know as well as I do, sometimes we just don't get that luxury. 

Many authors throughout the Bible mention this same predicament.  It's hard to bear the weight of waiting.  Sometimes it's even harder to bear that wait when no resolution is even promised.  For me personally, this is true when it comes to love, dating, marriage, and potentially having a future family.  Nothing is promised. 

That's a really hard reality to face some days, especially in a season where some close friends of mine are having babies (lots of babies... I've never bought so many nooks and books in all my life!).  But their wait looks different than mine.  God-willing, their wait will end with one very painful event and then begins a new life with lots of rejoicing (albeit very little sleep and that tiny task of parenting... but stick with me).  They not only have the approximate end-date, but also the hope of joy.  Singleness just isn't like that.  E-harmony and all the others would love for us to believe that "happiness is just a click away," but it's just not promised -- we don't know, and really, neither do they -- it's just a really catchy marketing scheme meant to capitalize on the human need to circumvent (you guessed it) waiting and uncertainty.  The weight of prolonged uncertainty seems to swell with time, which is maybe why Proverbs tells us "hope deferred makes the heart sick."  These poor little hearts can only take so much tension.

The Psalms bring me a great deal of comfort when the weight of waiting is getting to me. In particular, Psalms 27 and 37 are two of my favorites. Take a look at those pages in my Bible. :)


      


It begs the question:

Where is God when the weight of waiting is swelling and we're feeling the burn?

He's spotting us. You know, spotting -- like weight lifting? Pardon the over-the-top pun, but it actually works here. The spotter is the one who makes sure that the weight lifter doesn't totally wreck themselves when they attempt to bear a greater weight than before. If the struggle to lift that new weight reaches a point where the lifter is in serious danger of dropping the entire mass and causing serious injury, the spotter steps in and ensures that we finish safely. News flash: in case you didn't know, when you go all-in with Jesus, He puts you through boot camp, and that means lifting some heavy stuff. So if He's got you bearing the weight of a long wait, it's likely He slipped another 20 lbs on there when you were praying last. Or maybe the devil did -- that's another story.

James 1:2-4 says this: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.

Prolonged waiting, to some of us, is definitely a trial. It may not be an extra heavy weight to bear, but it's still there and we feel the burn of bearing extra weight.

But look again at those wise words from James. When we wait, we are being tested, not just in our circumstances, but in identifying the source of our hope. Pop quiz: if you're someone who is waiting on something right now, run a quick best case scenario and tell me where your hope and joy comes from. What is the source of the joy you experience when it works our just like you hoped? Okay, now flip it: if you're dealt worst case scenario... where would you find comfort? If there's no comfort to be found in a worst case scenario, your hope is placed entirely in the outcome of your circumstances. Yikes. But when we have our faith placed squarely in the character and goodness of the Most High King, the Creator and sustain-er of all things, the author and perfecter of our faith... we can continue moving forward if the whole thing crumbles.

James then tells us this perseverance HAS to finish its work. If we quit too soon, it's like doing two squats in the weight room and expecting legs of steel. Nope -- not gonna happen. Or, even if you do all the right movements but you don't go full range of motion, an opportunity for complete strengthening has been wasted or worse, it'll create a weak spot. Weight lifters will tell you this is where injuries happen -- if you're only working 75% of the range of motion and then one day you decide to be honest and do the whoooooole squat allllll the way down and back up again, you just might pop something you forgot you had because it doesn't usually have to work when you do that motion at 75%. Trust me, your quads will keep you honest if you slack a couple times. ;)

God is far too observant and faithful of a personal spiritual trainer to let us cheat on leg day, bro. And He knows what your life holds, so He knows the strength you'll need to carry on in the days ahead. So when He pushes you to get it done and do it right, it's because He loves you enough to help you bear that weight successfully so that you're ready for whatever's coming next. Because this life isn't really about us -- we've been given a body, a family or friend circle, and purpose so that we can share the name of Jesus and contribute to human flourishing.

This waiting that I'm doing in singleness is more akin to stretching and holding a resistance band for a really long time: I can keep doing it, but it requires me to keep moving so I don't think about how long I've been holding my arms wide open. It's training me to keep moving even when I don't know when or even IF there's an end in sight.

But we all know, there are moments and days when the weight is just a little too heavy. The resistance band feels tighter today. Did God up my weights? Maybe. Or we've been asked to walk a second and third mile when we really thought we'd be done after one. Ugh. He is profoundly interested in training us and growing us up, little by little, so that we can walk confidently into the next phase of image-bearing and sharing His good news in whatever platform He gives us.

Where do I turn when the weight is too much? I call on my spotter.

I've lived alone in a third world country, I've walked closely with a loved one through cancer, I've faced "trials of many kind" in the workforce... but honestly, they all function SO differently than the weight of loneliness that comes with being a household of one for an undetermined amount of time, all while holding onto the goodness of God and the hope for a future family. That's a tension that has been in my life for more than a decade, even during all those other ups and downs.  And to be transparent about it, until a couple years ago, I didn't even really have the vocabulary to call on my spotter and name my pain.  God was so gracious to help me unlock the words and pour out: "DUDE, this huuuuurrrrts!"  And He's always there.  Good coaches don't quit when you're feeling the burn, they come closer and cheer you on and help you fix your eyes on something so you forget about the pain.

He sees, He knows, He hears you when you call.  He has given us His Word to study and meditate on so that we can focus when it burns so bad.   He is a good coach, you guys.  Promise.  Even on leg day.

We are not promised that God will swoop in and magically solve all our circumstances.  But Matthew 11:28-30 tells us we can ask for a trade: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  Take my yolk (TRADE!) upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yolk is easy and my burden is light."

Notice: the rest is in our hearts, not our life circumstances.  He will always be there to calm our hearts.  Waiting is so much more bearable when we've got a good friend and someone who genuinely cares for our hearts.

Friends, don't be afraid to name the weight of waiting.  Tell God all about it -- He already knows and He's been walking with you much longer than you may think.  There's so much value to be mined from endurance.  Don't give up!

Where do we go from here?  Part 2 will focus on that question we all ask: WHY?  Why does God make us wait sometimes?

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